Conspiracies – Jaqui Hiltermann

The Hiltermann Show

By Jaqui Hiltermann | April 6, 2020

National Lockdown: Day Eleven This morning I had my “Truman Burbank moment” as I was brushing my teeth. I looked in the mirror and I realised that it’s just me… I am at the centre of my increasingly small universe. I am alone in my house and despite brief moments during the day where I …

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The Force Awakens for the Second Time Again.

By Jaqui Hiltermann | April 3, 2020

National Lockdown: Day Eight It was only a matter of time before I’d have to dust off my “Bullshit Police Officer” uniform and rejoin the forces. I imagine I’m in one of those Hollywood cop movies… You know the type that start with the sultry music and the husky voiceover…? I’m standing in the kitchen, …

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My name is Jaqui Hiltermann and this is my story...

1. I have a PhD so I'm an egomaniac. That's Dr Egomaniac to you. I am obsessed with narrative and discourse. I'm fast making 'If this is your land where are your stories?' (J Edward Chamberlin) a cliche and I apologise for that.

2. I love Facebook... and I hate Facebook. I research it but I also waste time on it. Cellphones are the worst.

3. Books are totally rad... I wish I was Barbara Kingsolver. I wish J.K Rowling didn't write the bit about "19 years later"- if you find my copy of Deathly Hallows you'll find I ripped out those pages in anger. Books are sometimes frustratingly kak.

4. Ivan Vladislavic is one of the greatest storytellers of all time. His descriptions are a masterclass in saying "fuck you" to adjectives.

5. Not all poetry is good. And discussing poetry is usually an exercise in dickslinging. I don't have a dick and I am thankful for that. My favourite poetry is accompanied by an acoustic guitar, while we're being honest.

6. Food is a form of storytelling that I can really get behind. I am an excellent cook because I am a storyteller. Anthony Bourdain and David Chang tell the best stories because they are hungry.

7. Humans have fucked up a lot, but our television sure has been exempt from universal idiocy. I spend a lot of time wondering how we're going to top this Golden Age of television... If binge watching shows was an Olympic Sport I could beat anyone. FACT.

8. I used to hate standing in queues... now I actively seek them out. They are a wealth of stories.

9. Podcasts are the new silence. I want a job at Gimlet Media. Any job. Please.

10. I really fucking hate finding empty ice trays in the freezer.

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Tag: Conspiracies

The Force Awakens for the Second Time Again.

By Jaqui Hiltermann | April 3, 2020

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