National Lockdown: Day Nine Aside from two trips to Woolworths, and a pre-lockdown booze run, I haven’t left my house since the 14th March. I’m going into my 4th week of self-isolation, as a lot of us are. Yesterday my friend sent this message to one of our WhatsApp groups, as a public service announcement, …
National Lockdown: Day Eight It was only a matter of time before I’d have to dust off my “Bullshit Police Officer” uniform and rejoin the forces. I imagine I’m in one of those Hollywood cop movies… You know the type that start with the sultry music and the husky voiceover…? I’m standing in the kitchen, …
National Lockdown: Day Seven For the first time in over two weeks I went out into the world to buy food. I’d been putting it off for a few days and living off rice cakes, which I’ve nicknamed “nice cakes” in order to Emperor’s New Clothes my taste buds. Fun Fact, they still taste crap …
National Lockdown: Day Six I woke up this morning with good intentions… I busted out Rosemary, I had fucking muesli for breakfast, I went to the shops to buy healthy and boring food… and I waited. Today my niece was born… my perfect little Bat-Eared Fox aka “Foxy Cleobatra” and she is perfect. I’m overusing …
National Lockdown: Day Five I’m happy to report that the past couple of days have actually gone pretty quickly. It turns out that being busy really is the best way to make the time pass. And sure, I haven’t done any exercise, I haven’t watched the latest season of Ozark, I’ve been limiting my phone …
National Lockdown: Day Four Congratulations everyone we’re on Day Four, we’re on 1280 confirmed cases, and South Africa has recently been downgraded to Junk. I now know how my parents must have felt when they received my Std 5 report card. But if we’re using my delinquency as a metaphor, ‘just look at me now’. …
National Lockdown: Day Three I woke up with a feeling of guilt, brought on by last night’s nutritious dinner of blue cheese and a slab of chocolate. This little piggy had every intention of dusting off her Rosemary Conley DVDs, because a brush with death before breakfast is how I like to roll. I figured, …
National Lockdown: Day Two Ron Moss and I have had another great day together. I’ve been chatting to him quite a lot despite the fact that he really is empty inside. But, I guess he does provide some company, and at this stage I’ll take all the company I can get. And, it seems that …
National Lockdown: Day One I stayed awake past midnight last night, not because I wanted to be awake for the momentus midnight curfew, but because I’m a night owl and I was really enjoying my episode of Money Heist. In any non-event, nothing happened at midnight. When I woke up this morning it was very …
In this age of uncertainty, it’s really nice to know that everyone is doing their bit to “flatten the curve”. I mean previously “flattening curves” meant busting my ass on the spinning bike and limiting my cheese addiction, but now I’m a fucking hero staying at home and watching my shorts get increasingly tighter as …