Branding Exercise

For today’s lesson (OK, this is technically a repost of something I wrote back in 2017, which I have lovingly re-written) in awkward as fuck advertising I introduce Browns… I refer to Browns as the jewellery shop where you literally take it up the… moving on.

It’s no secret I think diamonds are very pointless and I’ve discussed them before. I don’t want my value represented by something that perches on my finger, alerting you to how much my partner loves me and how wealthy he is. I’d opt for a plastic cracker ring, preferably one of those amazing decoder rings you could get in cereal boxes back in the “old days” (Monkey, if you’re reading this take note).

One of my 3rd year students, who is really fucking cool, told me that she’s not on Instagram because ‘it’s not for her’. She wasn’t being glib, or self-pitying, she just meant that she literally feels like an alien within the space. It’s not for her. She feels othered because, as she phrases it, ‘I’m poor’. Like I said, no self pity, no judgement of Instagrammers themselves, just a mere statement of fact. I’m obviously relaying what she said with lashings of judgement, while remarking on how kak and shallow I find Instagram. Sorry to ruin your fun, but Instagram is all about conspicuous consumption and flashing the proverbial diamonds. And, if you don’t have any of that shit, well you can window shop, while those on the inside take pity on you and talk about “the 3 c’s”.

So, back to Browns and their stupid diamonds. A while back I was reading the SAA in-flight magazine and this Browns advert appeared. I loved it because I’m obsessed with irony and being an asshole.

This image is what we call an “iconic image”… and it has circulated on postcards, greeting cards, posters, etc. It symbolises the end of World War II, celebration, and that groovy Hollywood style Romance we’ve come to enjoy- thanks to all those really imaginative movies that end with running through airports…

I am the first to admit that I bought a card with this very image for my Nana’s 80th Birthday (over a decade ago), because she was a nurse in the second world war, and my Gramps was a Navy man. They had a wartime romance, and although Gramps was into sarcasm, and gently mocking my Nana, it was the most realistic portrayal of love I’ve yet to see… “Nothing says love quite like sarcasm and gentle mockery”. Try that on for size Browns. Anyway, I thought the above image was a pretty accurate depiction of love so Nana received this card because I was trying to be nostalgic. My Nana had dementia, and this is the only time I was ever thankful for this, because for those of you who don’t know this image has become the poster/postcard/greeting-card-child for sexual harassment/gropey-mc-gropeypants.

You see, just out of shot is this man’s bokkie who had just been taken to the bioscope… She’s watching in horror as “her” man (drunk) gropes this lovely dental assistant. Dental assistant did not enjoy this grope… she was taken aback by this grope. Woman was not keen… But being the era of women’s anti-lib this was shrugged off as “boys will be boys” and “he was just drunk and excited” and framed as lank romantic. There are articles on this which you can read… (such as the one hyperlinked above). This image and it’s sexual harassment vibes TRENDED. TRENDED on Social Media. I don’t know if you know this but people in branding and advertising are supposed to know about trends. You know what they say about assumption? Yeah well…

So this is Browns’ advert in the SAA in-flight magazine. Irony is just so wonderful sometimes I think to myself men should propose with that and avoid themselves the hassles of a diamond.

Nothing says Love and Commitment quite like gropage that isn’t consensual.

Browns… I think you might need to speak to someone in advertising.