Today I will be staying in.
1. I don’t want to go near Malls today because they’ll be overrun by Black Friday Madness! Gross all those people. I hate crowds…
2. Go to Online Shopping instead and get annoyed that sites are overrun by Black Friday Madness… THE SHEER AUDACITY. Why can’t these sites cope? Do you know who I am? Moan on designated Facebook pages about how disappointed you are that you weren’t given preferential treatment by the Internet.
“White Saturday is for people to leisurely push their trolley through Black Friday aftermath, paying full price for their privilege. It was the day Penny Sparrow used to do her shopping before she lost her job.”
3. I don’t understand why these websites advertised and now I can’t buy shit I don’t need. My kids are going to be so disappointed because I couldn’t get them a Hatchimal. You’ve ruined Christmas. You are monsters! How do you sleep at night?!
4. “Fuck you Black Friday!”… you shout while trying to refresh the Takealot site every 10 seconds in the hope you’ll still be able to buy that Nespresso machine you’ll never use.
5. Attend a dinner party tonight and moan about Capitalism while sipping on an unwooded Chardonnay… muse about the benefits of Socialism and the promise of a slower paced and simpler life.
People are stupid.